A Forgotten Boys Blog

I have consistently championed the value of lived experience over academia and emphasized the significance of the third sector in contrast to statutory services. This perspective stems from personal history, where the very entities within statutory services that meant to provide support turned out to be abusers during my time as a Forgotten Boy. This experience naturally positions me on the side of advocating for the transformative impact of lived experience. My aversion towards social workers and the failing within statutory services is rooted in personal encounters. In my view, a good social worker should be a whistleblower, especially within children's services. Despite individual virtues and vices, there is a prevailing joke among third sector organizations about local authority social workers that unintentionally underscores a disconnection between those in need and those meant to assist them, the joke being a social worker supporting a parent with alcohol addiction has just necked two bottles of red wine the night before and is now giving a judgmental sermon. Recognizing the challenging position of a social worker caught in the crossfire of competing interests is crucial. They wield powers that can sometimes be abused, and the dynamics often lead to the bullying of families and children. Over three decades, I have advocated for the worth and impact of lived experienced practitioners. Their education does not come from universities; it emerges from the crucible of their pain, navigating a broken life. Those who believe in a harmonious coexistence of academia and lived experience may find themselves mistaken, especially if the latter enters the realm of statutory services. The clash between the two can be tumultuous, but the third sector often welcomes and embraces the unique perspectives of those with lived experience. Fortunately, there has been a positive shift in recent times, with more organizations recognizing and embracing the value of individuals who bring lived experience to the table. This shift signifies a changing tide in the approach to addressing broken lives. This evolution is a welcome change in the landscape of support services. The recognition of the value of lived experienced practitioners indicates a realization that true catalysts for change often emerge from the depths of personal struggle and resilience. Lived experienced practitioners bring authenticity and understanding that textbooks and academic degrees alone cannot provide. Their innate empathy, born out of a shared history of overcoming adversity, becomes a powerful tool in building trust and fostering genuine connections. It goes beyond theory, reaching into the realms of human connection and compassion. While bureaucratic structures of statutory services can sometimes stifle creativity and empathy, lived experienced practitioners approach their work with an understanding that goes beyond policies and procedures. This first-hand knowledge becomes a beacon of hope for those currently facing similar challenges. The integration of lived experienced practitioners into statutory services should not be dismissed outright. The key lies in fostering an environment that encourages collaboration, where the strengths of both academia and lived experience can complement each other. Successful organizations embracing this duality are witnessing positive transformations in their approach, creating a more holistic and effective support system. As we move forward, it is my hope that the momentum continues to build, breaking down the barriers that have traditionally separated academia and lived experience. By doing so, we can create a more inclusive and empathetic approach to supporting individuals with broken lives, ultimately paving the way for a more compassionate and effective system of care. In summary, the journey from the shadows of personal adversity to the forefront of support services underscores the transformative impact of lived experienced practitioners. The evolving landscape highlights the potential for a harmonious coexistence, fostering collaboration between academia and lived experience. This synergy creates a more inclusive, compassionate, and responsive system of care for individuals with broken lives. The value of lived experience stands as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, inspiring meaningful change in the journey towards healing. It is a call to action for continued progress, ensuring that the integration of lived experience becomes a cornerstone in the foundation of a more compassionate and effective support system for those navigating the complexities of broken lives. Value Points of Lived Experienced Practitioners and Their Impacts: A uthentic Connection: Establishing genuine connections based on shared experiences fosters trust and understanding. Empathy and Compassion: Lived experienced practitioners bring a deep well of empathy, offering compassionate support that goes beyond textbook knowledge. Cultural Competence: Understanding the nuances of diverse backgrounds ensures culturally sensitive and tailored assistance. Resilience and Hope: Personal stories of resilience provide inspiration and instil hope in those navigating broken lives. Holistic Understanding: Lived experienced practitioners comprehend the multifaceted nature of challenges, addressing issues comprehensively. Reduced Stigma: Breaking down stereotypes, lived experience diminishes stigma, creating an environment conducive to healing. Advocacy and Empowerment: Lived experienced practitioners are natural advocates, empowering individuals to navigate systems and assert their rights. Practical Strategies: Sharing practical strategies derived from personal experience provides tangible solutions for overcoming obstacles. Peer Support: Peer support from those who have walked a similar path fosters a sense of community and shared understanding. Crisis Intervention: Lived experienced practitioners adeptly navigate crises, offering immediate support grounded in first-hand knowledge.

Understanding Dr Joan Coleman's R.A.I.N.S. List: *Ritual Abuse Information Network & Support Supporting Ritual Abuse Survivors I ntroduction Ritual abuse, a dark and deeply disturbing subject, remains shrouded in secrecy and silence, its horrors concealed within the shadows of society. Victims, survivors, and fighters of such unimaginable trauma face a long and arduous journey toward healing and recovery. In the midst of this harrowing darkness, Dr. Joan Coleman's R.A.I.N.S. List (Ritual Abuse Information Network & Support) emerges as a beacon of hope, a sanctuary for those who have endured the unspeakable. In this blog, I embark on a journey to explore not only the significance of ritual abuse and the profound work of Dr. Joan Coleman but also the transformative value, intrinsic worth, and authentic support that the R.A.I.N.S. List bestows upon survivors. In 2021 Alex Thompson read out the test of the RAINS list over YOUTUBE, it can be hard to find, however its still on there, have a look on Jon Wedger. I have tried to break this down into bitesize sections, many names on the list are familiar to you, since the late 70s and early 80s I have shouted outload many of the more famous names on the list, which Dr Joan Coleman did not put together many years later. Many on the list were spoken about amongst my childhood friends who had been abused in correctional institutions and children’s homes. Section 1: The Significance of Ritual Abuse Ritual abuse, also known as ritualistic abuse, involves systematic and organized abuse often associated with religious, cultic, or spiritual practices. Survivors of ritual abuse can experience physical, psychological, and emotional trauma, leaving lasting scars. Understanding the significance of ritual abuse is essential because it sheds light on the unique challenges survivors face. It's not just about the abuse itself; it's also about the manipulation, control, and trauma bonding that can occur within abusive groups. Section 2: Who was Dr. Joan Coleman? Dr. Joan Coleman was a renowned expert in the field of ritual abuse and trauma. Her dedication to understanding the complexities of ritual abuse and her advocacy for survivors have made her a respected figure in the mental health and support communities. Dr. Coleman's extensive knowledge and compassionate approach have been instrumental in providing a lifeline to survivors who often feel isolated and unheard. Dr Coleman passed away in 2018. Section 3: What Is R.A.I.N.S. List? The R.A.I.N.S. List, Ritual Abuse Information Network & Support, is a comprehensive resource that connects survivors of ritual abuse with essential information, support, and a community that understands their experiences. It serves as a central hub for survivors, advocates, and mental health professionals seeking to better understand and address ritual abuse. The value of the R.A.I.N.S. List lies in its ability to bring survivors together, offer information and resources, and empower them on their journey to recovery. Section 4: How R.A.I.N.S. List Supports Survivors R.A.I.N.S. List supports survivors of ritual abuse through various means. It offers a wealth of information, articles, and research on ritual abuse to help survivors better understand their experiences and the associated trauma. Additionally, it provides resources for finding mental health professionals who specialize in trauma and ritual abuse therapy. The online platform facilitates connections among survivors, allowing them to share their stories, seek guidance, and find solace in knowing they are not alone. The worth of the R.A.I.N.S. List is immeasurable for those seeking support and understanding. Section 5: Challenges and Success Stories While the R.A.I.N.S. List serves as an invaluable resource for survivors, it faces its own set of challenges. These challenges may include reaching survivors who are still trapped in abusive situations, ensuring the privacy and security of survivors using the platform, and addressing the complexities of legal action against perpetrators. Despite these challenges, the R.A.I.N.S. List has had notable successes. Countless survivors have found a safe space to share their stories, access support, and take steps towards healing and recovery, highlighting the authenticity and real impact of this resource. Section 6: Raising Awareness and Advocacy One of the critical roles of the R.A.I.N.S. List is raising awareness about the existence of ritual abuse and the availability of support resources. Survivors often suffer in silence due to fear, stigma, or lack of information. Advocacy efforts are essential in ensuring that survivors' needs are recognized that they are provided with the support they deserve, and that society as a whole acknowledges the reality of ritual abuse. Conclusion In conclusion, Dr. Joan Coleman's R.A.I.N.S. List stands as a testament to resilience, empathy, and the power of authentic support in the face of darkness. Within the realm of ritual abuse, where survivors are often voiceless and isolated, this resource represents a lifeline, extending toward those in desperate need of understanding and healing. The R.A.I.N.S. List is a testament to the intrinsic value of survivors' stories and experiences. It demonstrates that every survivor is worth being heard, believed, and supported. The authenticity of this support network is not just theoretical; it is embodied in the stories of countless survivors who have found solace, validation, and hope within its digital embrace. By understanding the significance of ritual abuse, recognizing the indomitable spirit of Dr. Joan Coleman, and appreciating the transformative value, inherent worth, and authentic support offered by the R.A.I.N.S. List, we step closer to a world where survivors are not only acknowledged but also championed in their journey to reclaim their lives from the horrors of ritual abuse. In the darkness of trauma, the R.A.I.N.S. List shines as a beacon of light, illuminating the path toward healing, recovery, and a future free from the shackles of the past. The vulnerabilities of children attracted to the dark side of witchcraft. Children are inherently curious, and their curiosity can sometimes lead them into situations or interests that may be considered on the "dark side" of witchcraft or occult practices. It's important to note that not all aspects of witchcraft are negative or harmful, and there is a wide spectrum of beliefs and practices within this spiritual and cultural realm. However, when children are drawn to the more sensationalized or potentially harmful aspects of witchcraft or occultism, several vulnerabilities can arise: Misinformation and Misconceptions: Children often lack a comprehensive understanding of complex subjects like witchcraft. Their exposure may come from movies, books, or online sources that misrepresent or sensationalize practices, leading to misconceptions and a distorted view of what witchcraft entails. Lack of Discernment: Children may have difficulty distinguishing between fiction and reality. They might believe that the fantastical elements of witchcraft portrayed in media are achievable or authentic practices. Peer Influence: Peer pressure can play a significant role. If a child's friends or acquaintances show an interest in or curiosity about the darker aspects of witchcraft, it can encourage exploration and experimentation. Seeking Empowerment: Some children may be drawn to witchcraft because they perceive it as a source of power or control in their lives. They may feel powerless in certain situations and see witchcraft as a way to gain influence. Escape from Reality: Children facing difficult or traumatic life situations may be attracted to the idea of escapism that witchcraft or occultism can provide. These practices may offer a sense of detachment from reality. Lack of Guidance: Without proper guidance from knowledgeable adults, children may engage in potentially dangerous rituals or practices. Lack of supervision can lead to unintended consequences or exposure to harmful ideologies. Online Exposure: The internet provides easy access to information about witchcraft and occult practices. Children may stumble upon websites or forums that promote harmful or dangerous practices. Desire for Belonging: Some children seek a sense of belonging and identity through involvement in alternative subcultures, including occult or witchcraft communities. This can be especially appealing if they feel isolated or misunderstood. Sensationalization in Media: Movies, television shows, and books often sensationalize witchcraft, portraying it as glamorous or intriguing. Children may be drawn to the allure of these portrayals. Risk of Manipulation: In some cases, children may encounter individuals who exploit their vulnerability and curiosity to involve them in harmful or manipulative practices, including cult-like groups. To protect children from these vulnerabilities, it's essential for parents, guardians, and educators to engage in open and nonjudgmental communication with them. Providing accurate information, addressing their questions, and guiding them toward reputable sources of knowledge can help children develop a more balanced and informed perspective on witchcraft and related topics. Additionally, monitoring their online activities and fostering a supportive and nurturing environment can help mitigate potential risks. If concerns arise, seeking the assistance of mental health professionals or counsellors can be beneficial in addressing underlying issues. Let us never forget a NONCE knows all the above and more, and is always two steps ahead of the law and support in the pursuit of the perpetration of crimes against children.

Yes, without doubt boxing can be considered as a form of therapy. While it may not be a traditional form of therapy in the sense of talk therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy, it has been shown to have a number of mental and physical health benefits. I ran a programme in Scotland for men caught in the ever-revolving door of the judicial system, addiction, and negative lifestyles. We set up a non-contact boxing programme alongside NLP sessions *neuro linguistic programming, it was highly successful, the gentleman became off police radar, support given for any addictions, employment avenues created, and a great new hobby started. Plus, it had the added bonus, the police and offenders’ relationships improved. Boxing has long been known as a sport that demands not only physical prowess but mental fortitude as well. As such, it has become increasingly popular as a form of therapy for men who are looking to improve their mental and physical health. Boxing as a therapy can help individuals to release pent-up emotions, improve their physical health, and boost self-confidence and self-esteem. It provides a sense of community and support, which can be particularly important for individuals who may feel isolated or disconnected. Furthermore, boxing requires a great deal of mental focus and discipline, which can help to improve cognitive function and concentration. The repetitive movements involved in boxing can also have a meditative quality, which can help to reduce stress and anxiety. Boxing and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) works well together, as both have been shown to have a number of positive effects on mental and physical health. NLP is a type of therapy that focuses on the language and patterns of behavior that individuals use to communicate with themselves and others. It is often used to help individuals overcome limiting beliefs and behaviors, improve communication skills, and enhance performance in various areas of life. Boxing can be used in combination with NLP to help individuals overcome mental and emotional barriers, boost self-confidence, and improve performance in the ring. For example, an NLP practitioner may work with a boxer to help them reframe negative self-talk and beliefs, or to help them visualize success in their training and matches. Additionally, the physical and mental demands of boxing can help to reinforce the principles of NLP. For example, the discipline and focus required in boxing can help individuals to better control their thoughts and emotions, which is a key component of NLP. Overall, while boxing and NLP may seem like disparate practices, they can work well together to improve mental and physical health, as well as overall performance in the ring. By combining the physical benefits of boxing with the mental and emotional benefits of NLP, individuals can achieve a more holistic approach to health and wellness. While it's important to note that boxing may not be the right fit for everyone, for many individuals, it can be a valuable tool in their overall health and wellness toolkit. Whether used as a standalone therapy or in combination with other forms of treatment, boxing can be an effective way to improve both mental and physical health.. From improving cardiovascular health to boosting self-confidence, boxing has been shown to have a number of positive effects on a person's well-being. For men in particular, boxing can provide an outlet for pent-up aggression and stress, helping to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression. PTSD, boxing can potentially help men who suffer from PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) in a few ways. One of the main symptoms of PTSD is hyperarousal, or a state of being constantly on high alert, which can lead to anxiety and other negative emotions. Boxing can provide an outlet for this hyperarousal through physical exertion, helping to release pent-up tension and aggression. Additionally, boxing can help to improve self-confidence and self-esteem, which may have been negatively impacted by traumatic experiences. Through the sense of accomplishment that comes from mastering a new skill or achieving fitness goals, men with PTSD can feel a sense of empowerment and control that they may not have experienced in other areas of their lives. Boxing can also provide a sense of community and support, which can be particularly important for individuals with PTSD who may feel isolated or disconnected from others. Many gyms and training facilities offer group classes and sparring sessions, which can provide an opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals who share a common interest. It's important to note that while boxing may be helpful for some individuals with PTSD, it is not a substitute for professional treatment. Boxing is a valuable tool in conjunction with professional treatment in helping to manage the symptoms of PTSD. One of the most significant benefits of boxing is the way it can improve physical health. The high-intensity workout involved in a boxing session can lead to weight loss, increased muscle mass, and improved cardiovascular endurance. This not only helps to improve physical health but can also have a positive impact on mental health, as exercise has been shown to boost mood and alleviate symptoms of depression. In addition to the physical benefits, boxing has a significant impact on mental health. Many men struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and boxing can provide an outlet for these emotions. Through the physical exertion involved in boxing, men can release pent-up tension and aggression, helping to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression. Boxing helps to boost self-confidence and self-esteem. The sense of accomplishment that comes from mastering a new skill or achieving a fitness goal can be incredibly empowering and helps men to feel more confident in their abilities both inside and outside the ring. Boxing is not a cure-all for mental and physical health issues. Men who are struggling with serious mental health conditions should always seek professional help from a qualified therapist or medical provider. However, for many men, boxing can be a valuable tool in their overall health and wellness toolkit. In conclusion, boxing can be an effective therapy for men who are looking to improve their mental and physical health. Through the physical exertion involved in the sport, men can release pent-up tension and aggression, boost self-confidence, and improve their overall well-being. As such, it's no surprise that boxing has become an increasingly popular form of therapy for men in recent years. Furthermore, boxing helps improve focus and discipline, as it requires a great deal of mental and physical coordination. The repetitive movements involved in boxing, such as footwork and hand-eye coordination, can help to improve concentration and cognitive function. This can have a positive impact on overall mental health, especially for men who may struggle with focus and attention. Another important aspect of boxing as a therapy is the sense of community it can provide. Many gyms and training facilities offer group classes and sparring sessions, which can provide a sense of camaraderie and support. This can be particularly important for men who may feel isolated or disconnected from others, as it provides an opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals who share a common interest. Overall, boxing can be a valuable tool for men who are looking to improve their mental and physical health. Through the combination of physical exertion, mental discipline, and community support, boxing can provide a sense of empowerment and confidence that can have a lasting impact on overall well-being. While it may not be the right fit for everyone, for many men, boxing can be a transformative therapy that helps to improve their quality of life. A forgotten boy, diagnosed with PTSD, a boxing coach, and NLP Practitioner.

The value of a Boxing Coach . The teaching skills of a boxing coach translate well into a managerial role. I was a boxing coach for many years qualified when England Boxing was known as the ABAE, The coaching structure has now changed, but back then the main coaching badges were the Assistant Boxing Coach and Full Boxing Coach which allowed you to run a club, take sparring, competitions etc. The man in charge was the Head Coach. You rarely got a certificate, especially in Yorkshire, however we got our coaching card, which was stamped each year by the Reginal Registrar. I enjoyed the coaching although towards the end I moved away from coaching and ran the community side of the club, helping out (or hindering) with the active boxing as much when I could. There are many discussions about a coach when it comes to helping young lads out, especially those from tough backgrounds. Whenever knife crime is mentioned the reporters always use a boxing club to film and talk in. I say lads, as back then girls were few and far between, however I am extremely proud that the last boxer I was involved with was a young girl who went on and became a national champion, my champions coaching medal sits proudly on my office shelf. I remember a great coach and friend summarize his coaching career as “I’m just a boxing coach” I thought if we do not value ourselves how would anyone else? In the community a boxing coach is well known and respected. When a young boxer comes to join a club, at some point the coach will have boxed their grandad, taught their dad and now teach them. However in the world of employment it is a different kettle of fish, yes having a volunteer boxing coach is not a bad thing on your CV but does it get you the job? It made me think how a boxing coach’s skills would look like if applied to a managerial role in a business setting. Boxing Coach V Manager Overview Boxing Coach: The teaching skills of a boxing coach involve the ability to effectively communicate technical information about boxing techniques, strategies, and rules. They should be able to provide clear and constructive feedback to athletes, using a variety of teaching methods to suit the individual needs of each athlete. A boxing coach should also be able to create a positive and supportive learning environment, where athletes feel motivated and inspired to improve. This requires strong leadership skills, as well as emotional intelligence to connect with athletes on a personal level. Additionally, a coach should be able to plan and organize training sessions, identify, and solve problems that arise, and adjust training plans as needed to help athletes reach their full potential. Managerial Role: As a manager, it is important to effectively communicate technical information to team members, providing constructive feedback that supports individual growth. Employing a variety of teaching methods to suit the diverse needs of each employee is vital. Creating a positive and supportive work environment is crucial to ensure that employees are motivated to improve. Strong leadership skills and emotional intelligence are needed to connect with employees on a personal level and create a culture of respect. A manager must be able to lead by example, demonstrating the same level of hard work and dedication that they expect from their team. Planning and organisation are important managerial skills that help ensure that employees are prepared to meet project deadlines and achieve their goals. A manager must be able to adjust work plans in response to changing circumstances, identify and solve problems that arise, and make strategic decisions that benefit the team and the company. By doing so, the manager can help employees reach their full potential and achieve success in their roles. I have chosen seven transferable skills any Manager of work will require. Technical expertise Communication skills Motivational skills Emotional intelligence Leadership qualities Organisational and planning Problem solving. 1: Technical expertise Boxing Coach: A boxing coach has a thorough understanding of boxing techniques, strategies, and rules. They are able to demonstrate and teach proper techniques and provide feedback to help athletes improve their skills. Managerial Role: As an employment manager, having technical expertise in a specific field can be a valuable skill. This skill involves having a deep knowledge and understanding of the industry, job responsibilities, and best practices, which can be used to effectively manage and guide team members. 2: Communication skills Boxing Coach: Effective communication is essential for a boxing coach to convey information clearly and provide feedback to athletes. A boxing coach is able to explain technical aspects of boxing in a way that athletes can understand, and provide constructive criticism to help them improve. Managerial Role: Communication is a crucial employment manager skill. This skill involves being able to convey information clearly, provide feedback to employees, and create a positive and supportive work environment. A manager should be able to explain complex ideas in a way that employees can understand and provide constructive criticism to help them improve. 3: Motivational expert Boxing Coach: A boxing coach is able to inspire and encourage athletes to push themselves to their limits. This includes setting challenging goals, providing positive feedback, and creating a supportive and motivating training environment. Managerial Role: Being able to motivate employees is a valuable employment manager skill. This skill involves setting challenging goals, providing positive feedback, and creating a supportive and motivating work environment to improve employee engagement and productivity. 4: Emotional intelligence Boxing Coach: A boxing coach is able to read and respond to athletes' emotional states, recognising when they need encouragement, motivation, or support. They should be able to build trust and rapport with athletes and understand how to adapt their coaching style to meet the needs of different individuals. Managerial Role: Emotional intelligence is an important employment manager skill as it allows them to connect with employees on a personal level. This skill involves recognising and responding to employees' emotional states, building trust and rapport with them, and promoting a positive workplace culture. 5: Leadership qualities A Boxing Coach: A boxing coach is able to lead by example and set a positive tone for the team. This includes being punctual, professional, and committed to the team's goals. They are able to manage team dynamics, resolve conflicts, and promote a culture of respect and sportsmanship. Manager: Leadership is a crucial employment manager skill. This skill involves being able to lead by example, manage team dynamics, resolve conflicts, and promote a culture of respect and teamwork. 6: Organisational and planning skills A Boxing Coach: A boxing coach is able to organise and plan training sessions, including drills, sparring, and conditioning exercises. They are able to create a training schedule that balances different types of training and prepares athletes for upcoming competitions. Manager: Organisation and planning are important employment manager skills. This skill involves being able to plan and organise work projects, create a work schedule that balances different tasks and priorities, and prepare employees for upcoming deadlines or projects. 7: Problem solving A Boxing Coach: A boxing coach is able to identify and solve problems that arise during training and competitions. These include finding solutions to technical problems with athletes' technique, as well as adjusting training plans in response to injuries, scheduling conflicts, or other issues. A boxing coach is able to make strategic decisions during competitions, such as when to change tactics or when to rest an athlete. Managerial Role: Problem-solving is a valuable employment manager skill. This skill involves being able to identify and solve problems that arise within the workplace. This includes finding solutions to technical problems, adjusting work plans in response to changes, and making strategic decisions that benefit the team and the company. As a Boxing Coach NEVER undervalue yourself in the workplace! a forgotten boy

Thinking ahead to creating a CIC I have looked back to what we have achieved so far as an Unincorporated Association and finding our space up in the North East. Here is the story so far. 1970s to 2016: Recap. As a child, I was sent to Ashbank Remand home for children in the 1970s, for what was then known as correctional education. It was a time of trauma, abuse, and torture, that has affected my life ever since, and stole the life I may have had. I never received the support I should have and in truth would not have accepted it if given until my breakdown around 2016. My professional career was born out of that experience I went on to work with some of Britain’s most vulnerable children and adults, all my work was based around, truth, positive activity and being a constant presence and ambassador for the protection of children. In 2016 I revisited Ashbank Remand Home for children, where thoughts and memories came flooding back. The building had closed as a remand home around 1974, but the local authority continued to use it in different ways until it was closed and went up for sale. One thing happened within a few months that affected me greatly. I was in a work meeting with other practitioners and professionals when out of nowhere tears started flooding and I was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder *c-PTSD, linked with manic depression. Life went wrong as my childhood trauma caught up with me. I needed to rest and went to live in a remote part of the Scottish Highlands. There were other factors to this decision making. 2016 to 2021: Living with PTSD and my recovery, made me realise there is good, but very sporadic support out there, and generally, I responded to those who had an understanding or empathy, these turned out to be few and far between. Having seen psychiatrists, psychologists, and mental health nurses, the one I responded to was Cognitive Behavioural Therapy *CBT. In 2018 out of desperation I posted on the world wide web, about Ashbank House, York. I had great support from some of the very men who were sent to Ashbank Remand Home for children in the 1960s and 70s. From there the support and conversations became more personalised and away from the eyes of the world. Some of us met up, telephoned and video called. A self-support group began to grow. For the first time, we were speaking to and receiving some of the best support from the very boys who were there. Simple things like breakfast routines, staff members, “the staircase” were recognised, without question, which made us feel like “it really did happen then!!!”. Correctional Institutions in the 1960s and 70s, were brutal beyond all normal understanding, those who survived are still victims today. For the men who suffered abuse by the very services that were supposed to nurture, protect, and rehabilitate them, stand in a unique position within the statutory support services. After all, how can a mind process the fact that those who are there to support them now have organisational roots buried deep within the abuse they are trying to process and mend. 2022 to present: In 2022, more men were contacting me to relate their journey through the correctional institutions they were sent to as children. Often all that was needed was a chance to simply talk to another who had lived through the very systems they had been in and tell their story. Others needed a more structured and regular support, meetings or wanting to help. The idea of a national network of “lived experience men” was suggested by one of the group, to offer support to those in need in a truly empathetic way. In December 2022 an article was written by a solicitor on the Lower Lee School child abuse case, mentioning The Forgotten Boys, linking the article to the website. Survivors from Lower Lee School, the Cleveland Child Abuse case, Ashbank Remand Home for children, Tong Park Borstal, Castle Howard Approved School, and other institutions, began to make contact asking for support. It was becoming unmanageable and time consuming offering the support, after a meeting with the members it was recognised, The Forgotten Boys needed to have the legal status of a CIC limited by guarantee, to attract stakeholders and expand the service through need. Although we are a “start-up” we have been a constitutionalised Unincorporated Association since 2018, to date The Forgotten Boys have supported, in some form, ninety-six men, and at any one time an average of thirty-eight men use the support service made and created by them. Beyond the support network: The Forgotten Boys have run a number of pilots over the years, (and still doing so) from the Highlands of Scotland, The North East and Yorkshire. These pilots used boxing as a tool for engagement and retention. The hourly sessions ended with an open discussion; a topic led by the group with sessions available for one on one NLP therapies. The boxing programme is called Pressure Drop. We are proposing opening a centre in Sunderland where an expression of interest has been acknowledged. Over the coming months, a need for service is to be led by a yet-to-be-formed steering group. Since 2016 I have acted as a consultant for many charities, organisations and local authorities for policy and practice reviews and input for training resources. More structure and blending into The Forgotten Boys service is happening and the ultimate aim is for The Forgotten Boys to have a voice in protecting children and vulnerable adults today. a forgotten boy

From time to time, I add training or awareness blogs, to offer thought, learning and discussion for professionals, learners and advanced practitioners. I proudly had some input reviewing this important e-learning resource by the Centre of Expertise of Child Sexual Abuse . When I was working with child safeguarding services a topic, I continually highlighted the growth in the interest of intra-familial (incest) mainly through the internet. This is an excellent resource on a topic not often covered, I wrote a number of reports on the increase on intra-familial about ten/fifteen years ago, which ignored by those safeguarding children. At the time there was a steady increase on internet porn sites of brothers uploading sexual videos of their sisters, unknown to the sisters, and in a similar way stepfathers doing with the same with stepdaughters. Sadly, my “rants” fell on deaf ears, and nothing was done. A number of well-known porn sites now have a “family” category, where it is common for videos of sons uploading their mothers’ private sexual videos. Some are fake but have a large audience, some are real. Reporting them rarely works. T he obvious question is why the porn sites even have this categories in the first place and why don't internet "watch-dogs / Governments" insist they are not removed. What is more worrying is this category of porn has growing audience. This could of and should of been stopped on day one. Why the increase and why is it seemed ok as a porn category. Within a similar timescale there has been an increase of escorts offering “family” roleplay as part of their service. The term “daddy/daughter is far too readily used, on swingers’ sites etc. The paedophile hunters, often confront perpetrators and sexual deviates who, when presented with the evidence admit thoughts and fantasies around family members, especially daughters under the age of twelve. This is training resource is needed to be taken by all those working with children. Currently, half a million children are estimated to experienced some form of sexual abuse each year, yet only about one in eight cases ever reach statutory services’ attention. Evidence shows that most sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows and trusts. Surveys carried out in the UK find that friends and acquaintances of the child or family member are most frequently cited by victims and survivors as the person who abused. The CSA Centre’s , introductory eLearning course - Identifying and responding to intra-familial child sexual abuse – is designed to help. It is for anyone working with children to help them understand what intra-familial child sexual abuse is, provide guidance on how to identify concerns and build knowledge and confidence in how to respond to support both the children and their wider family. It was created both for those without any training on child sexual abuse, or as a helpful refresher for experienced professionals across social work, policing, education, healthcare and beyond. We know there is often currently limited and patchy training offered to professionals across all services, specifically addressing child sexual abuse. In the case of intra-familial child sexual abuse this is particularly worrying, when research suggests abuse by a family member can be more serious and chronic, often lasting many years (Karsna and Kelly 2021). It is really important that all professionals working with children are able to identify and respond to concerns of child sexual abuse, especially in a home setting. We hope this eLearning can help with those first steps. In total it should take no more than 90 minutes to complete this e-learning course and can be undertaken in sections. It is completely free and consists of three engaging, accessible modules, with interactive tasks, video explainers and a final assessment. Please do help share this course across your teams, networks and social channels. There are no barriers to accessing this course and we really believe it could help very many professionals in spotting the signs and better protecting children. To find out more and get your certificate, visit http://www.csacentre.org.uk/training/elearning/ a forgotten boy

Jimmy Savile the “establishment’s favourite nonce had a home in Glencoe Scotland, you can’t miss it, it is right on a bend facing the Three Sisters Mountains, if you are unsure what the mountains look like, a bigger clue it is the run-down house covered in spraypainted nonce text, which changes from time to time. Planning permissions have been presented to the council, however there is debate and objections regarding the style of the replacement building. This seems to be in stalemate mode. Hopefully it will be rectified very soon, and Savile’s house will be destroyed. Personally, I would like to see it raised to the ground now, and the debate of replacement then discussed. When I was a child in the 70s Savile was a creepy man then, however he was a creepy “famous” man which instantly turned his title from creepy to eccentric, in the good old British way. You hear the phrases, “how did he get away with it” and “how did they not know” quite simply they did. The establishment was a cesspit of child abusers, they knew, so all the complaints were brushed under the carpet time and time again, remember if Savile was caught he would take many down with him. Back in 1976 a friend of mind punched Savile in the face, knocking him to the ground as he waited on his bike at the traffic lights at the junction of Blake Street facing the Minster. He was dressed in a bright red tracksuit, red headband and sunglasses, no doubt on his way to Scarborough. Seconds before he was punched, he was been greeted by the general public mimicking his famous catchphrases etc he waved, shouted and smiled back. My pal who was 17 at the time, immediately legged it, before the public tore him apart. One thing we must not forget is not only Savile was an abuser he was a master groomer. His fellow abusers were never a problem and those who were not involved in any abuse were easily manipulated and groomed to suit his needs. His relationship the Royals was strange as well as powerful. He used them and his desire to be knighted was perfectly set up by Prime Minister Thatcher, the question is why she still put him forward for knighthood, even after she had been told on a number of occasions about his “lurid behaviour” as Sir Robert Armstrong had put it. There were concerns how Savile would exploit his knighthood too. The BBC has many accusations around paedophilia, however, when the Broadcasting House was built in the 1930s Sir John Reith commissioned self-acknowledge child abuser Eric Gill, who sexually abused his two daughters and the family dog. Yes this did not come to light until ten years later, when Gill unintentionally revealed all after his death, when his personal diaries were read. Now the worrying question is, why did the BBC not remove these statutes as soon as it was known about Eric Gill, or every occasion since. There has been protests many times about these status. One of the stautus, being Prospero and Ariel, which is a man stood in front of a naked little boy, strange choice by Sir John Reith in the first place. The BBC defend this by playing the cultural and art side against the abuse, in a way that allows, lets not judge the statue because of the artists behaviour. I do understand and relate to this thought, why should I not listen to Rock n roll part 2 by Gary Glitter or Everyone has gone to the moon by Jonathan King. After Savile the BBC declared how shocked it was, one thing they could do to show their culture had changed, show remorse and change, would be to remove these statues made by a man who raped his daughters and fucked the family dog.

I was working at a community based alternative learning provision and boxing club in the heart of the community, the role sat well between, statutory services, third sector organisations and the community they served. Families across the city knew and trusted me, I knew the kids granddads and grandmas, mums and dad, aunties and uncles, so I was in a well-placed and unique position to liaise with schools, police, social workers etc. Everyone who knows me, knows I have a deep mistrust in social workers, and social services, who do not always tell the truth or understand what is really going on. I have often stated there is not one good social worker left, this is by default in their failings of the protection of children and the arrogance and bullying tactics you often find within the service. My point is, a good social worker is in the best position to be a whistle-blower, and yet social worker whistle-blowers are few and far between. A good friend of my who was in charge of the services, well respected, with knowledge and experience second to none, was, sacked from his 90K a year job, after whistle-blowing on the whole system, he was in charge of. He had been pushed and pushed by the stakeholders when he fought for improvement and change. He lost his career, but not his personal or professional integrity. I would work alongside some great Youth Workers, so heard the rumours had started about cuts, I cannot remember datelines, but I’d suggest this was mid to late-2000s. Cuts in service, youth clubs and direct services. The leader of the council asked me if I wanted to take over all the youth club buildings, which I declined. Moral with those working in statutory services were at an all-time low as redundancy packages started to drop through letter boxes, invites to meetings and emails passed around. It was cuts in staff first then cuts in services, projects, and anything to do with children’s services. Within the space of eighteen months the council had reduced Youth Workers, from two-hundred full stime staff to six, six!! the six remaining became Coordinators to start replacing the Youth Workers with Charity Workers, trying to tempt them in with tiny pockets of money, or as happened to me, I should do the work for free. This was strengthen when David Cameron championed The Big Society and what a croak of sh**e that turned out to be. There are many factors why this happened, which normally starts a political debate, however, whatever the reason, money was the biggest factor. Again around this timescale the “Troubled families” name and banner was being knocked about, firstly this name was absolutely disgusting, put families in to a category as no hopers “the bad, ungrateful, and stupid” families as they were often seen as. In the same way a girl wearing a short skirt and hangs about is looked down on by these same services. This point is proved time and time again in serious case reviews in child sexual exploitation. The fallout of having no Youth Workers is unmeasurable. Ben Bradley, the Conservative MP for Mansfield, now Leader of Nottingham Council, and a member of the APPG inquiry group, agrees. For some youngsters, youth work is the only source of continuity in their lives. “When you look at the preventive element of it – how much good quality youth work intervention early on can save you further down the line, I think it should be a big priority and removing ringfencing on things like that I think is daft.” MYA youth worker Kath Thompson, who has also worked as a teacher, says a youth worker “can be that consistent person” for young people. Preventative was the key word and role, Youth Workers were the eyes and ears the children needed, the interaction and trust allowed the Youth Worker to be in the perfect position to stop something before it had chance to start. I remember many times Youth Workers questioned and reported risk situations of exploitation before the term child sexual exploitation was recognised. They did the job of protector. Truth is Youth Workers were the heart of the community, lived in the community, worked in the community. They were trusted, knew the families, had an informal working approach and ran the projects, but most of all they cared and were not afraid to shout out. They were the solid and constant link between everyone involved in a child’s life. When the local authorities tried to replace their services, Youth Workers, with community groups the biggest barrier they did not remove was the word confidential, they would send the most vulnerable children for support but then excluded the community groups from relevant meetings, or more typical “forget” to send an invite to a multi-agency meeting. They never did and still don’t understand or implement the main concept of confidentiality and safeguarding. Confidentiality is the protection of information, made up of some law and lots of best practice, safeguarding is the protection of life, made up of some best practice and lots of laws. To work with a vulnerable child in a capacity of trust you need all information around that child. In a game of top trumps, safeguarding wins every single time. Read the Jay and Casey reports and this point is driven home time and time again. We need to bring Youth Workers back. a forgotten boy

Big boys don’t cry, i s a part-fictional film about the abuse of two boys who were at St Leonard’s Children’s Home in Essex, England. One of those boys was Paul Connolly, brilliantly played by Michael Soch (adult) and Mitchell Norman (child) Filmed in two timelines, one as Paul “Jacko” as a boy and one as a man. The abuse took place in the 1970s. I’d never heard of the film until it popped up on my Netflix suggestions as it was trending at the time. The film left me feeling frightened. I never understood why the film SCUM, about life in a Borstal, was so well received, personally, I thought it was a pile of rubbish, yes Ray Winstone portrayed his character very well, but the film never appealed to me, it was a film, a story, a piece of entertainment, with little atmosphere. Whatever my thoughts on the film it was popular, mind you, so was A Clockwork Orange, which was a really bad film. Personally, I preferred the 1962 film The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, written by Alan Sillitoe and Directed by Tony Richardson. It follows Colin Smith, perfectly played by Tom Courtenay. A few years ago, ITV made the television programme “Bring Back Borstal” and of course, I tuned in to watch this utter pile of shite. How can you bring back borstal, without beatings, bullying and sexual abuse? In Big Boys Don’t Cry, there are four scenes that could have been written about my time at Ashbank Remand Home, the director, Steve Crowhurst captured everything but the smells. The four scenes that broke me were when the boys lined up in their pants and vests as they waited in the corridor, the second, when Jacko is hugged by the boxing coach’s wife, just something we all wanted, then and sometimes now when those days come to haunt us. Thirdly the terrible beating he took in the garage/shed, and most of all when the staff member urinated on him, something I had done to myself purely because I was a better wetter, noting the bit when the other boy was told to do it to his friend but couldn’t well some boys did purely out of fear. There are many books about personal experiences of child abuse, and it is great to see some organisations embracing the “expert by experience” concept. One book I can highly recommend is Stiff Upper Lip by Alex Renton, who reflects on his time as a public school boy.